Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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