My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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