Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
