How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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