She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
