Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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