I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Come back. Shots need mouths.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
