Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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