the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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