check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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