How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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