im about as happy as oj after his trial
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I believe in your delicious
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
