what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
