Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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