return my video game
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize