He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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