When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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