Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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