Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
