I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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