She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
