Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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