alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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