let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
