I just saw a hot homeless man
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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