right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
