how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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