Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
