sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
