he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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