Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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