yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
