I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
