No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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