apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
