Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
