Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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