i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's shark week go big or go home
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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