I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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