my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
