dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
