my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
