My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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