Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize