ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize