why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
splinters make it hard to masturbate
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
