i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize