Little spoons don't ask big questions
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
