we have officially lost it.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
