before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
