# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
