Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
