She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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