my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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