woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My bed smells like the plague
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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