You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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