I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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