are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
