All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I looked at my own cervix.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
