Will you blow on my dice?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
