I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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