i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
