so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
