At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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