Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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