What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize