its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
