I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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