He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
