dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
