You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
